Like all crime dramas and House episodes, NCIS has a standard formula that it tends to go by. This is that formula:
The typical NCIS episode begins in typical crime drama fashion with an on-screen murder or the discovery of a dead body (usually a marine or sailor) by an average person or persons otherwise completely unrelated to the rest of the plot. After the introduction, the scene switches to the NCIS squadroom, where Gibbs' crew, the Major Crimes Response Team; currently composed of an ex-Baltimore cop with commitment issues, a computer geek/author with confidence issues, and an ex-Mossad assassin with trust issues; are having a conversation that introduces the episode's subplot that helps flesh out one of the character's life outside of work, when Gibbs marches in carrying a cup of coffee - the liquid that pumps through his veins instead of blood - announcing that a body has been discovered and ordering them to grab their crime-solving gear.
The team, along with the rambling old medical examiner, Dr. Donald "Ducky" Mallard and his assisstant, Jimmy Palmer, arrive at the crime scene and point out how the poor son of a bitch died while the team gathers and photographs evidence. After they return to the squadroom, Gibbs begins barking out orders telling his team to get him credit and banking statements, to contact the family of the departed, and to go over the victim's phone records. With the naked corpse of the victim in the morgue's background, Ducky gives Gibbs a more complete version of how the victim died, along with a loosely related tangent about his action-packed life before he started having empathetic conversations with the people he autosies for a living.
Half-way through Ducky's story, Gibbs gets impatient and leaves the autopsy room without a word to visit his replacement daughter, the caffiene-addicted goth forensic specialist, Abby Scuito. After a touching father - daughter scene involving Gibbs enabling Abby's addiction with caffienated soda to make her work faster, Abby tells Gibbs what forensic evidence she has for him while using technical terms that confuse and annoy the borderline luddite Gibbs. After Abby gives him the bottomline, Gibbs leaves Abby's lab and goes back to the squadroom to hear what information his underlings have for him. At this point, the subplot resurfaces and usually involves some funny dialogue to lighten the mood, which is completely unheard of in any other cop crime drama
Then, using a system only he completely understands, Gibbs divides his team into pairs, one party going to interview witnesses and suspects and the other continuing the desk work. After that's done, they determine who the main suspect is from the information they have and bring him in to be interrogated. Since crime dramas have to last 40 minutes and not 25, this person is never the actual killer. Instead they provide Gibbs' team with a vital clue or the name of the real culprit, who the team then begins tracking. Surprise! The culprit is that seemingly unimportant asshole whose name you can't even remember from the first 10 minutes of the episode!(Heres where your hope that this show is the real deal should begin to fade, Hamish..)
Abby will then call from her lab to tell Gibbs more caffiene-fueled science jargon, confirming that the person they're chasing really is the killer. When they confront the killer, the culprit is given two choices, surrender to Gibbs or die. With the case wrapped up, the scene shifts back to the squadroom where they conclude the subplot with more humorous banter. This is the only time in the show Gibbs is allowed to give a sincere, non-sarcastic smile.
If after this carefully compiled formula of every NCIS episode ever, surely you can see the light. You don't need to watch NCIS anymore.
